SQUAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only by God's grace can I remain calm when all I want to do is SQUAWK! Have you ever had one of those days when things just go a little haywire? It all started Thursday when I decided to ask my husband, "What can I do for you today?" My intentions were to show him love that expressed gratitude toward him. He replied, "Would you mind getting the oil changed?" All right ladies.....we ARE different human species here, are we not? If your husband said to you, "What can I do for you today?".....how would you respond? I would say anything that has nothing to do with Car Maintenance...more like romance,time alone to shop, get a message or be alone to read a good book. (not necessarily in that order).

After dropping the children off at school I'm on my way to the oil changing place. I had called ahead to make an appointment. They kindly obliged, however, upon my TIMELY arrival they conversed between each other in my presence to see if they had time for me. You know, like adults can do to a child; oblivious to anyone standing in their presence. I kindly reminded the costumer friendly auto people that I did have an appointment and had not planned staying long. At the same time a gentleman came in the door with a POSTAL look to find the MANAGER. One man bravely came forth and the customer shared his frustration calmly....(I on the other hand was waiting for the gunfire). He told the manager how he drove his vehicle home with a lot of rattling noise. Turns out the mechanic never bolted his engine down to the engine mount...oops, that's a problem, and I'm not a mechanic. Turns out the mechanic who did the work on his car was there and came out to talk with the customer. The mechanic said when they took the engine out of the mount the threads were gone on the nuts and bolts....(wow, that's right, return vehicle the way you found it, makes sense, saves time)...oops again but never offered an apology or even a friendly reminder to the paying customer as he drove off the lot with a run away engine under the hood that there are no bolts holding his engine!!!!......Customer Service 101 is a definite must for their next company retreat outting. I reluctantly handed over my keys.

I found a secluded spot to settle with my book & pray that I will have oil in my car when this is all over. I was amazed that within 30 minutes I was motioned over to the front desk (it's a miracle...how many of you are singing Barry Manillo's True Blue Miracle?). However, I was not going to be leaving or singing Barry Manillo's mello song that makes the top 10 for every "Please Hold" Company Music.....I was entering the No Bolts Zone (I have been asking God to grant patience to me....okay here we go). Ma'am, we've done a history on you.....excuse me??? and it looks like you need to have some fluids changed and filters replaced. You've never replaced your cabin filter...(my what?!?!?!?!) We highly recommend this. Uh, huh...I reply with sudden urgency to run with or without bolts. Also, Ma'am, it looks as though your tires are wearing unevenly (currently so is my "Christian" patience).

I phone my dear, hardworking husband to explain to him of our new discoveries at Rip-You-Off Auto Care. Of course heavy sigh on his end clogs the airway and I wait after what seems like eternity for his response, wishing for some Please Hold Company Music when he finally states we need the alignment of the tires. I cringe and hope for a miracle......

I ask Auto Man, "Will this be much longer?" and I'm affirmed with a confident "No". This conversation took place at 10:05. At 10:40 he (highly qualified customer relations employee) comes back to my secluded area (where I was deep into my book) to look for another costumer. He said, "Are you Mrs. Nelson?" Keep in mind there have been no other women in this place except for me (I can see why now) and my last name is NOWHERE near Nelson. I said, "No". "Okay, I didn't think so"...(so why did you ask me...patience, patience..(miracle)...pray, pray)......Then as he started his quick pivot turn to leave he stopped dead in his tracks....auto mechanic smirk smile, "we're working on your car" I swear I saw him wink his eye. I said "Thank you?"...Yes, questionably. He vanished behind the wall and once again he replied out, "We're working on that Ms. Winer".....okay, for those of you who know me, my name isn't Winer....no where near, just as it is not Ms. Nelson either. Since he had to ask if I was Ms. Nelson, did he have an Oprah Lightbulb Moment and remember (or thought he did) what my name is???? Now I got up and walked to him and said AGAIN....thank you and then corrected him on my name.

At 11:15 he returns, Oh goody. I look up happily at him thinking I'm about to finally be dismissed from detention and he said, "Earlier, I had to take your car to the parking lot and look at a Honda we got in, did I give you back your keys?" Have you ever had an out of body experience where you watch your whole face mold into something that you yourself are fearful of and why does Honda get preferential treatment? I said, "no". He said, "Are you sure...(then gingerly points to my purse)...would you mind checking your purse?" Are you David Copperfield?!?!?! Last memory, I wasn't on the Las Vegas Strip at one of your overpriced magician shows at the MGM Grand (I may be accurate with overprice in this case, but that's it)....this is not funny!

POOF......magically my keys are resting at the bottom of my purse. I'm staring in my purse with disbelief.....I was amazed at his magical powers. I raise the keys out of my purse, staring at them with disbelief and with a look of wonderment, how did he do that?.....than horror. Reality sets in and I come back to life as Sybil....."Are you saying my car has been sitting in the parking lot since 10:05"?!?!?!?! Sounding like an interegation officer with accusation. "Well ma'am we had switched out your vehicle to look at the Honda". Okay, Honda is getting too much air play on this station and I want to know why you stated, "we're working on it Ms. Winer" at 10:40. At this point I no longer remember my name, which vehicle I drove in or why I'm even here OR WHO SENT ME.......

At 12:20pm my plane departed from the Vegas airport and magically I appeared in my driveway. Anyone could regret spending 3 hours for an oil change. However, I decided I needed to NOT focus on what I cannot change, but rather what I can change. (Sounds like a 12 step program). I had time to think of my Heavenly father and give Him praise for allowing me a vehicle that needed an oil change. For a husband who works hard and supports his family and allowing 3 hours of my time to show that I appreciate him very much. To focus on my walk with God and be grateful that He is patient with me as I stumble and fall daily and.....

I read 5 chapters out of my book. Now that right there is a great "miracle" and my husband gave me a gift that day without knowing it, time alone in a secluded spot to read a good book and forget about time....sort of. Thank you honey!

Wandering EYE

I've seen his kind before. A big man in width with a full head of hair. Eyes set close to each other with a bright smile. The kind of man that shows his "manlyhood" by puffing out his chest when he walks & when he sits. Arms never touching the sides of his body. I often wondered why men do that. In my mind I imagine they all wear a TON of cologne and have hairy chests. This gentleman didn't have a hairy chest and all I could smell was chlorine, but he fit the sterotype I had in my mind.

He was at pool side with his young sons. His oldest son was a mini-me of his dad. Brash, loud, wanting control of the toys and a bit of a bully...yet a little boy quality always at surface. That quality surfaces when there is something the young boy (or man) WANTS from the opposite sex.

Since I'm living in my reality world....Not 21, unable to look AWESOME in the hip bathing suit and staying out of the sun so my already prominent wrinkles don't turn into deep crevices....my purpose, my job at any swimming pool now a days is to keep order among the children. On this particular day it was with all the testosterone toddler boys. Mamas don't raise their boys to turn out like this...they are BORN like this.

Did any of you ever watch the movie "10" with Bo Derek? Remember the scene where she is in slow motion running along the beach toward Dudly Moore? I kid you not, this happened at my neighborhood pool. I'm in kiddie pool land open to the blazing sun showing every dimple and blemish trying to maintain order with boys who aren't my own when Bo Derek strolls in. Okay, her hair wasn't in cornrows, but it was blonde and beautiful. Men stop, Men stare, Men drool. HELLO!!!!!! Earth to Wandeing Eye, can you control your kids! Once again, I repeat, Mamas don't raise their boys to turn out like this, daddy's teach by example!

Wandering Eye forgot he was a dad. Wandering Eye forgot his youngest couldn't swim. Wandering Eye forgot his bully boy wasn't following the rules and didn't hear his sons LOUD voice. Wandering Eye forgot he isn't 21. Wandering Eye forgot he was married. Thankfully his wife wasn't there, then it would have been Wandering Bloody Eye. I watched Wandering Eye forget all responsibility as he sat poolside ooooozzzzing and schmoooozzzzing with Bo.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.......................

A new twist to dinner

I have a friend with a cute sense of humor. So if you need an idea for dinner, try the latest "seafood" platter and don't forget the dipping sauce. Possibly Pampered Chef could come up with a cooking tool that could slice tentacles evenly for the authentic look. Keep the ideas coming. I'll let you know if I try it on the family.

IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH

I watched her sleep soundly curled on the sofa. I hated to wake her from her deep slumber. I knew she was void of energy and needed much rest, but her husband was ready for bed and needed his sheets. As I gently nudged her leg and whispered her name, she made no motion. I searched the room myself for the sheets but to no avail, came up empty. I went back to try again. Her eyes flickered and then her gaze was a blank stare. I could see she was trying to place herself somewhere, yet couldn't. Then her senses awakened her to where she was. Without hesitation or stretching from her curled position she threw the blanket off of her tiny framed body and stood at attention. She retreated to the ironing board where her duty awaited her. Iron still hot from when she plugged it in 30 minutes ago she started feverishly straightening the sheets for her husband. With each stroke she apologized for falling asleep. Her desire was not to disappoint or to show failure. I have sensed in my time coming to know this incredible woman that perfection has followed her daily walk. Continually apologizing, she ironed over and over the sheets until there was not one wrinkle to be found. Perfectionism has served her well in her new role as care giver. Unfortunately, I know the circumstances as to why she is doing this.

She serves a higher power who gives her strength to care for her ailing husband who suffers from advanced stages of ALS.

You see, he can feel everything, he just cannot move a muscle in his body. His skin is so sensitive that he can detect wrinkles in the sheets which then irritate his delicate skin. She labors in love for her husband while no complaint falls from her lips. Yet her pain and sorrow is evident through her eyes and her own body is very tired. Her day starts before the sunrise and ends well past the setting sun. She approaches each hour with a smile and a refreshed sense that her strength is not of her own. However, at any moment she may share her struggle and her composure falls weary. I experienced the joyful soul fall at the ironing board as she creased the corners.

This wife, mother and child of God is amazing to watch. I don't wish this on anyone, but to watch her take this challenge that has been presented and to honor her promise she made at the altar in front of her Heavenly Father has been an incredible lesson for me. She shares her love for Christ through her actions and labor of love. When she said, "In sickness and in health" she is showing Christ each day to her husband.

I'm reminded how Jesus loves us daily during our struggles and tribulations. Never leaving us, never forsaking us. Being patient beyond that of the flesh, of which can only come from Him. Thank you Jan for that constant reminder. The power of His blood shed on the cross is evident when anyone walks through the door of your home for we know He is ever so present and in command of your heart. Much love to you dear friend & praise be to God for lessons taught.